In social situations, many individuals find themselves confronted with unsolicited conversations from strangers. A recent inquiry directed to Miss Manners highlights this phenomenon, where individuals express their discomfort with making small talk in settings such as grocery store checkout lines, public transportation, and even during flights. The question raised is not only about how to politely decline these interactions but also reflects a deeper concern about societal expectations regarding communication.
Understanding the Dilemma
The correspondent, who wishes to remain anonymous, explains their struggle with unwanted chatter from strangers in various public spaces. They report feeling unable to express their desire for solitude without appearing rude, which leads to creative avoidance techniques. For instance, to evade a particularly talkative individual at their regular bus stop, they take a longer route to another stop. Similarly, during a lengthy nine-hour flight, they deliberately avoided eye contact with a fellow passenger to prevent an extended conversation.
This situation raises significant questions about social etiquette. The individual asks why it is deemed acceptable for strangers to initiate conversations without considering the other person’s feelings, while expressing a desire not to engage is often viewed as impolite. The correspondent emphasizes the frustration of feeling obligated to entertain conversations that they do not wish to partake in.
Miss Manners’ Guidance
In response, Miss Manners acknowledges the validity of the correspondent’s feelings. She explains that while it is generally considered impolite to ignore someone who initiates conversation, it is equally impolite for individuals to disregard another person’s inclination to remain silent. She reassures the correspondent that they are not being rude by opting to disengage from a conversation after providing a couple of brief responses.
Miss Manners suggests practical phrases for gently excusing oneself from unwanted dialogue, such as, “Excuse me, I’m going to return to my book now,” or “I need to focus on my thoughts.” These statements allow individuals to prioritize their comfort without offending the other party.
This correspondence touches on a broader societal issue regarding communication norms and the balance between social expectations and personal boundaries. In an increasingly connected world, the challenge of navigating interpersonal interactions, especially in public spaces, remains a pertinent topic of discussion.
For those seeking advice on similar matters, Miss Manners encourages readers to submit their questions through various channels, including email or traditional mail, providing a resource for individuals struggling with etiquette dilemmas in contemporary society.
